Comic Book Movies
This week they released the new Spiderman: Far From Home film, and it’s got me thinking about comic book movies as a whole. I’ve seen quite a few this year, and will most likely be seeing even more as we get closer to the holidays, but I’ve noticed that it’s gotten harder for me to write reviews about them. Don’t get me wrong, I am a die hard geek-fan who truly loves them, but…..
Let’s look at this years crop so far. We’ve had Captain Marvel, Avengers: Endgame, Dark Phoenix, Aquaman (yes, I know that technically it came out in 2018, but I watched it this year, so I’m including it), Spiderman just came out, and a couple of DC animated films. I haven’t seen Shazam yet, but it’s coming out in a few weeks on blu-ray, but it’s a DC live action flick, so my hopes are not high.
So what’s my problem with reviewing these films? There is little better than a truly great cinematic experience, like Endgame was. As a tried and true fanboy, I sank back in my leatherette recliner at the AMC theater and didn’t budge an inch until the credits started to roll. I didn’t even notice that my film cohorts in crime, Tommy and Barb, had gotten up to go to the bathroom at some point-and they were sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I was as happy as I could have been. But did I race home and write a review? Nope. Didn’t even really think about doing it.
We sat through the rather lackluster Captain Marvel, with it’s complete misuse of one of our greatest actors, Annette Bening, in what I would describe as a speed trap of a movie-too much, too fast, slow it down people! Focus on the characters FIRST. I would have loved it if Marvel had made two films instead of one, with the first focusing on Annette Bening’s Marr-Vell character, acting as an alien mentor to Carol Danvers, with the film ending with Marr-Vell sacrificing her life to stop the murderous Kree, and Carol Danvers almost dying, but instead being transformed…and losing her memory and being taken to live with the Kree to be “reborn”. The second film would have been a story of her trying to escape her captors, and help the Skrulls. I think it would have given more depth to the characters, rather than just shoving another hero into the final Avengers movie…and just imagine the fun banter between Marr-Vell and Nick Fury! Wasted opportunity.
I borrowed the Aquaman blu-ray from the library…whew, thank God I didn’t pay for that cluster fuck of pretty much everything that is wrong in film making today. Video game effects, one dimensional characters, horrific, stilted dialog. Would someone please tell me, how a man with skin that will stop a sword being thrust at his chest by a strong ass mercenary, was able to get tattoos all over his body? This is a DC movie, so no one has a vibranium tattoo needle, so how did it pierce his skin? And, will someone PLEASE tell whoever the hell is in charge of make-up, that Mera’s red hair color DOES NOT exist in nature, either on land or under the sea, outside of a red velvet cake or cheap lipstick.
Aquaman was so bad it just made me angry.
However, I still didn’t write about it. So I thought about it for a while and I realized why.
PLEASE don’t take this as me being a hater, or not understanding them, etc, blah blah blah. I love comic book movies. I was a geek back in the days when being a geek was an insult. You were threatened and laughed at, but we didn’t care because we loved our geek stuff. Watching The Avengers doesn’t just take me back to a time when I didn’t have to pretend to like people to my corporate bosses, or have bills every month, but they remind me to dream. I get to imagine having super powers myself, and what kind of costumed hero would I be. For a few hours, I don’t have to pretend to be an adult, and that feeling is quite addictive.
But…and it’s a big but…let’s be honest. There really isn’t anything to write about anymore. I don’t like having to use the word “boring”…but, well, yeah, they’re getting kinda boring. No one, not Marvel, or DC, or Dark Horse, are really pushing the envelope in film craft. Safe, snappy, funny dialog, eight sequence approaches to story telling, amazing digital effects, all make for a fun time, but they’re not pushing the art form forward.
I really don’t want to sound like a film snob, cuz I’m really not. Sometimes you need to turn off your brain and just sit back and enjoy quirky banter, beautifully choreographed fight scenes, impossible stunts, hot scantily clad men and women, and, of course, super powers. However, after so many golden years of comic book film making, I just think it’s time for something to surprise us.
I finished my first screenplay this year, a drama about a gay man mourning his dead lover. I’ve planned out two more dramas, and after that, I’m going to start MY version of a superhero movie. My goal is to do something different, put my money where my mouth is. Chances are really good it will never get produced, but one never knows, at least I’ll have tried. Although, if it does get made and manages to make as much money as Endgame, drinks are on me.
Tomorrow morning I’m going to go see Dark Phoenix. I’m going at 10:15 a.m. because, well, it flopped and that’s the only showing around here now. I assume I’ll be disappointed, but that’s ok. I’ve always loved the X-Men, and sometimes when you expect the worst, it turns out not being half bad.
Except for Aquaman…sweet Jesus that was awful.
Post Script 07/11/19: I just saw Dark Phoenix…wow…Aquaman was actually better. I actively want to NEVER own this movie.