November 16, 2018November 16, 2018 admin

Movie Review: Soapdish (1991)

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This will be quick…Soapdish is awful from beginning to end…just…awful.  Even the opening credits suck.  To make matters worse, here’s who is in it:  Sally Field, Robert Downey Jr., Whoopie Goldberg, Kevin Kline, Elizabeth Shue, Teri Hatcher, Carrie Fisher, and even Kathy Najimy in one of her first film appearances.  I’m not gonna list the awards and nominations this cast has received over the years, I don’t want to waste that much space on such a big list.  Based on the talent available to him, I have to pin the blame on the director, Michael Hoffman.  I’d list his other credits, but chances are pretty good you’ve haven’t seen any of them, I know I haven’t.  Bad story, bad acting, bad dialog, bad editing, bad everything.  There is one decent quote in the film, and I’ll print it here to save you hours of your life:

Kevin Kline’s character:  You have beautiful eyes.

Teri Hatcher’s character:  Oh, they’re nothing compared to my tits.

You’re welcome.  Okay, so I’m not going to waste time on this celluloid mistake, just thinking about it is putting me in a bad mood.  However, it does bring to mind an accusation that has been leveled at me by friends and co-workers alike that I’m an elitist when it comes to movies, and that bothers me.  I never go into a movie hoping for a bad film, after all, I’m almost fifty and I don’t have that much time left, why would I waste any of it?  I also have my fair share of “bad” films that I really love, everyone does.  Some people call them guilty pleasures, which I’ve never really understood…if it’s pleasurable, why be guilty about it?  (Oh, yeah, the Catholics, I almost forgot)  After I’ve watched a movie, no matter the genre, I always ask one simple question:  Did I enjoy it?

The answer to this question is the simple reason for my recommending a film.  Oh, after I’ve decided if I enjoyed it I’m more than happy to nit pick it’s faults or praise it successes, but it all starts with “Did I enjoy it?”.  The point of film and television and music and books is to entertain, first and foremost.  That’s not to say a work of art can’t have a message, or make a point, but in order for it to deliver that message it has to keep viewer/reader/listener interested during the interaction.  A poorly made documentary on the plight of refugees might have an important thing to say, but bore the viewers and no one will listen.  So I have plenty of bad movies in my library that I can’t testify to as being “great films” that “push boundaries and makes you think”, but I enjoy them and they make me happy, and that’s all anyone needs to say to justify their choices.  

So what are some of my favorite bad films?  Let’s start with Death Becomes Her, a movie I have seen dozens of times, and will probably watch dozens more.  It’s funny, campy, has a great score, and, of course, Meryl Streep.  Big Business, with Better Midler and Lily Tomlin-love it!  Better yet, it’s Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin playing two sets of twins…double fun!  Remember Showgirls?   When I first saw it, my partner Tommy and our friend Barb really wanted to go, I was less enthused, but, it’s a movie, how bad can it be, right?  Well, turns out, pretty bad…actually, really, really bad.  However, Tommy and Barb loved it for it’s humor and campiness (I should point out it’s not a comedy), and I vowed to never see it again.  But I did see it again, and, it turns out, if you watch it drunk and high, it is fun…but you do need to be at least a little drunk.  Van Helsing…ahhhh…Kate Beckinsale in thigh high boots, a bustier, and a crossbow…I would totality hop the fence for her, damn she’s beautiful.  Actually, the entire cast is good looking,  which makes it an incredibly tame porn, but who cares, Hugh Jackman is fighting monsters while he wears a trench coat and a funny hat.  Speaking of Kate Beckinsale, I also love the Underworld series, but then I have a soft spot for vampires and attractive people.

The list goes on!  I’m a huge Universal Monsters geek…I even have life size standees of Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, the Wolfman, and the Creature From the Black Lagoon that go up every Halloween.  Let’s not forget John Waters, he’s always a good time-it’s hard to beat Divine for a solid laugh.  If you haven’t seen Sordid Lives yet, both the movie and the (unfortunately) short lived TV series, do yourself a favor and watch them both-Leslie Jordan, Rue McClanahan, and Olivia Newton-John add up to a gay ole time.  

Soapdish was recommended to Tommy by one of his clients.  She loves it and thought Tommy would, too.  She was wrong, but that’s okay.  What continues to amaze me about art of any form is how everything that has ever been created is, at the same time, the greatest masterpiece, and the biggest piece of crap.  Someone, somewhere will connect to the art and fall in love with it, and then someone, somewhere, will look at it wondering why in the world anyone would pay money for…whatever the hell it is.  Some of the best conversations I’ve had with friends, and even strangers, haven’t been discussions about great works of literature, or what the greatest film ever made was.  They were about the crap we love and, more importantly, why we love them.  

In the early 80’s, my family moved from a suburb in Cleveland to a suburb near Dallas, Texas.  I’ve never had a lot of friends and I didn’t hang out with my brothers and sisters, but I enjoyed my solitude.  We finally got cable TV (ahhh…nirvana!), and, even better, HBO, way back in it’s infancy.  With this wonderful new technology, I was finally able to watch the exact same movie over and over and over again.  The film?  Wargames with Matthew Broderick.  I loved this movie.  Broderick’s character, David, was a dorky, nerdy, loner who didn’t quite fit in, and he loved spending time in his bedroom sanctuary playing with his computer.  He wasn’t very comfortable around other people, he struggled with his grades, and he always wore a hoodie.  I spent my days in my bedroom with my comics, Dungeons & Dragons, drawing pads and pencils, and old time radio shows on cassette.  I was labeled an underachiever by the school system, didn’t speak to a lot of people at school, and I always wore a hoodie.  I related to David in so many ways that I just couldn’t stop watching the movie.  I would say I’ve seen it around 50 times.  There, see, a little insight into what it was like growing up for me.

The next time you’re chatting with friends, or sitting at a bar drinking with strangers, ask them what’s the worst movie that they love to watch…then ask them if they remember the first time they saw it, and what made it click with them.  Chances are it reminds them of a special time or person, or a time they were struggling and they really needed to laugh.  For extra fun, ask them what movie they absolutely despise…and why.  At the very least, you’ll have an engaging conversation, at the most, you’ll learn a little about another person in the world.  Has it been decades since you’ve seen that movie you loved as a kid?  Time to watch it again and remember what it was that made you fall in love with it.

Unless it was Soapdish…do NOT watch Soapdish…ugh…just horrible.

I think I’ll throw on my hoodie and watch Wargames…sounds perfect for a rainy day.